Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
