Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
