I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
