Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
