hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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