dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
