Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
