i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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