he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
