11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
