I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Girls should come with a carfax report
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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