I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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