and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
