i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
we're making bets on your personal life
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize