Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
