I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
