If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
