Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
