Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They have beer where we have blood.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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