I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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