Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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