I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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