Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
