We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
