Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
