I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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