maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
