dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
