I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
