i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
