I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
