Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
