I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That accounts for only three of the penises
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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