You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
