I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
