You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
