i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize