I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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