Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
