I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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