i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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