So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
