I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Holy shit dude........stairs
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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