You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
