You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
