Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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