Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
