We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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