Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
