If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize