Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We talked him into tasing himself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
