At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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