woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
