Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just invented taco cereal.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize