Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
