everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
