brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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