My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize