Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I believe in your delicious
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
