i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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