The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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