I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize